Grief Can Be Paralyzing
I knew for weeks it was coming. That day. That night. It was going to be the anniversary, one year since the fateful night my daughter’s husband called.
The call was to inform me he and my daughter had decided I could no longer have any contact with my granddaughters. It was apparent they decided to make the call on the night of April 20th, because the following day was my younger granddaughter's birthday, and they wanted to deprive me of calling to wish her a happy day and ask if she liked the present I had sent.
I knew my son-in-law wasn’t particularly fond of me but had no idea he hated me to such a degree. He indicated they had been considering this for years. But why? I had been a devoted mother and grandmother. What could I have possibly done to warrant the cruelest punishment imaginable?
I had bitten my tongue repeatedly as my son-in-law insulted my entire family. My parents were English professors at major universities. He had told me surely I must realize they weren't educated individuals. Neither was anyone else in the family other than his wife. My daughter was an engineer, as was he. He explained in a previous conversation that only those in possession of a degree in engineering were truly educated. I said nothing.
I cried silently to myself, having previously experienced his cold, domineering personality. Exactly how arrogant was this young man? I and all members of my family had quickly concluded he was certain, he, was the most brilliant individual on the planet. None of us wanted to make my daughter aware of our poor opinion of her husband. He also appeared to be socially retarded. This is not intended as a crass representation of my feelings concerning challenged individuals. It is meant literally as a question we, meaning my immediate and extended family had pertaining to his almost nonexistent social skills.
Throughout the years of their marriage, I had said nothing to my daughter for the sake of family harmony. Even his own mother has voiced to me her concern about his seemingly harsh treatment of the children. I told her I too was very concerned and thought he was entirely too hard on the children. She was afraid to say anything to him and also regularly bit her tongue.
My son-in-law indicated that because I had moved out of our home and asked for a…